Those of you who check my blog when I bother to update it know that I must be up in arms right now since - god forbid - I'm making two posts in two nights. However, I'm frustrated and sad and angry and have no idea how to deal with it other than to toss it all out onto the page in a jumbled mess and hope that it at least weighs on my mind less heavily.
Today Billy and I decided to run some errands at the local mall. No big deal, right? I needed a few more shirts for work and those of you who know me well are aware of what a pain it is for me, a 6'1" female, to find clothing that fits properly so this was actually a somewhat annoying trip to begin with. Unable to find what I was looking for, we decided to head home. Weaving our way through the mall, we came to a sort of roadblock. There was a woman pushing a stroller and, simultaneously, attempting to drag her toddler along with her. He was much more interested in the sticker he had just found and was trying to apply it to his shirt. At the same time, a few paces ahead, a group of about six teenage boys were fooling around, joking with each other, and one of them had been shoving his friend which blocked the pathway for both Billy and me and the woman and her child.
Hoping to get out of the way of the whole group, I muttered an, "Excuse me," and tried to scoot by two of the boys and outpace the woman with the stroller when one of the boys was nearly shoved into me. At that point, another one of the group said, "Careful, these McCain voters would like to get through."
(Did I mention these young men were black? I was concerned about even bringing it up since, by even recounting this incident, I run the risk of sounding racist. However, in this case, I suppose I have to mention it to provide context for the story. As an aside, the woman and her son were very white and she looked like she was afraid of the group of boys which didn't help our situation any.)
I whirled around, shocked, turned in the direction of the voice and firmly stated, "Excuse me, but I voted for Obama." I then proceeded to storm off, not really paying attention to whether or not Billy was behind me. When he caught up with me he said that one of the boys had pointed to the aforementioned speaker and said, "It was him, man." To which Billy replied, "I voted for Obama too," before coming after me. I was fuming and trying not to cry at the same time.
On the way home, Billy told me that the one kid looked kind of suprised that I talked back to him and his friends kind of stared at him like he was dumb for even saying anything so I suppose I feel a little better about that. I keep thinking about all the things I wanted to say instead. Like, "Apparently you're unaware that a comment like that will likely result in resistance since Bush currently has a mere 26% approval rating." Or, "How old are you? Can you even vote yet? No? Then don't tell me who I voted for." Or even, "Yeah, right. Did you even know who Barack Obama was three years ago? Well, I did. And I supported him then. Have you read his book? No? Well I have. Perhaps your time would be better spent doing that than harrassing people you don't know in a crappy suburban mall. And, quite honestly, just because you're black and I'm not doesn't mean you have any more of a claim to President-elect Obama than I do, especially since, as a uniter, he would frown upon your actions right now. So go get your shit together and then come talk to me."
I don't have a hell of a lot more to say except that I hope my tiny, pathetic, little retort made him think for a millisecond. And maybe that millisecond will turn into a whole minute and then an hour and then, just maybe, he'll do something productive with his time.
Well, I don't feel much better but at least I've gotten this off my chest.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Sigh
I didn't quite know what to name this post so that pretty much covers it. I also am unsure as to whether I'll actually post it or not but, assuming I do, I'm exhausted tonight so I apologize if my writing is a bit lackluster.
Today was supposed to be a good day. The presidential candidate I had voted for and supported was elected and, last night, I think I slept better than I have for the past four years. Not only did I feel relieved about our country's choice for our next president, but I also felt hope about the direction we're going in for the first time in what feels like forever. Hell, even John McCain gave a classy concession speech which was reminiscent of John McCain before the Bush administration took over in 2000 - the John McCain I would have considered voting for.
The morning went fairly well. I was tired from staying up late to watch the election (and, in addition, we were at my cousin's party for his election as Niagara County Sheriff until 11:30 and then had to drive for half an hour to get home) but I was happy. I even gave out leftover Halloween candy to my Autobiography students as incentives to read their journals aloud since I was feeling generous.
And then came lunch.
Well, actually, I almost didn't make it to lunch because of all the drama that lay in my path to the cafeteria. Eight of my seniors stormed into the classroom fuming and demanding that something be done about "this." "This" turned out to be a status update that one of the freshmen had made to her Facebook page. The update said, "The white house is called the white house for a reason!!!!!" (I've quoted it exactly, right down to the five exclamation points.) In addition to this, there was a flood of follow-up comments, some along the lines of what the original writer had to say, and others condemning her opinion. For those of you who are familiar with Facebook, you may understand what a heated issue this is based on the fact that there were four pages worth of follow-up comments to a status update.
Granted, I am aware of the fact that, teaching at an all-girls private school, I might occasionally run into some rather, let's say, sheltered individuals. Okay, frankly, some of them have too much time on their hands, too much money in their bank accounts, and too little interest in exploring whether or not agreeing with their parents, without question, is a good idea. This frustrates me.
Today, instead, I was appalled.
I don't even have the words or the stamina to describe how this made me feel and, on top of that, looking at the anger and sadness on the girls' faces over these comments made me want to rip this girl's head off for being ignorant and uninformed and having the gall to mouth off about it in a public forum. The thing that frustrated one of my students the most was that, when questioned, the "commenter's" only explanation for her statement was that "there are only white ppl. there for over 200 yrs." Logical, no? Insert eye-roll here.
Since this entire conversation was in violation of the social honor code (oh, and did I mention that this student also belongs to an online group that bashes and gossips about another girl in her class?) I spoke to the Dean of Students about what the girls had brought to my attention. The school called an impromptu assembly between 6th and 7th period to bring the matter to the school's attention - even though, by that point, it was no secret - and point out that behavior such as this would not be tolerated. They didn't do much, although the "commenter" will be going before the Judicial Review Committee, but the threat was in the air. I disagree with the idea that they may have to block certain elements of internet access since we aim to treat the students as adults and cutting off this type of thing in school just means they'll do it when they're not in school but we may have to resort to that. At least we didn't sweep it under the rug like we have a tendency to want to do, especially since it involves more than one individual.
I guess what I'm saying is that, I knew this type of thing would happen. I knew that not everyone would be as optimistic and forward-looking as I wanted them to be. I knew there would be challenges. But the very next day after the election? Don't we Obama supporters get some chance at a honeymoon period? Can't we enjoy the victory for one freaking day? I guess our country isn't as progressive as we'd like to think we are if this kind of prejudice still exists the day after we elect our first African-American president ever. Ah, irony....
And on top of this, I have to teach this girl in class tomorrow and act like nothing ever happened. When I came home and was yelling about this, my parents, who were visiting to support my cousin, made a good point. They said, "What would Obama do in a situation like this?" I guess I have to remove my emotions from the situation and put the school, the students, and, though difficult, this particular student above my personal opinions because it's what's best for everyone. I will aim to treat her as I have before this information came to a head and press on with teaching grammar, vocabulary, and literature. The main goal of the English Department at Sem is to teach these girls to be eloquent writers and communicators by the time they graduate. Well, if I can't convince this girl to change her point of view, at least I can teach her to argue it with supporting facts, information, and conviction. "Yes we can."
Today was supposed to be a good day. The presidential candidate I had voted for and supported was elected and, last night, I think I slept better than I have for the past four years. Not only did I feel relieved about our country's choice for our next president, but I also felt hope about the direction we're going in for the first time in what feels like forever. Hell, even John McCain gave a classy concession speech which was reminiscent of John McCain before the Bush administration took over in 2000 - the John McCain I would have considered voting for.
The morning went fairly well. I was tired from staying up late to watch the election (and, in addition, we were at my cousin's party for his election as Niagara County Sheriff until 11:30 and then had to drive for half an hour to get home) but I was happy. I even gave out leftover Halloween candy to my Autobiography students as incentives to read their journals aloud since I was feeling generous.
And then came lunch.
Well, actually, I almost didn't make it to lunch because of all the drama that lay in my path to the cafeteria. Eight of my seniors stormed into the classroom fuming and demanding that something be done about "this." "This" turned out to be a status update that one of the freshmen had made to her Facebook page. The update said, "The white house is called the white house for a reason!!!!!" (I've quoted it exactly, right down to the five exclamation points.) In addition to this, there was a flood of follow-up comments, some along the lines of what the original writer had to say, and others condemning her opinion. For those of you who are familiar with Facebook, you may understand what a heated issue this is based on the fact that there were four pages worth of follow-up comments to a status update.
Granted, I am aware of the fact that, teaching at an all-girls private school, I might occasionally run into some rather, let's say, sheltered individuals. Okay, frankly, some of them have too much time on their hands, too much money in their bank accounts, and too little interest in exploring whether or not agreeing with their parents, without question, is a good idea. This frustrates me.
Today, instead, I was appalled.
I don't even have the words or the stamina to describe how this made me feel and, on top of that, looking at the anger and sadness on the girls' faces over these comments made me want to rip this girl's head off for being ignorant and uninformed and having the gall to mouth off about it in a public forum. The thing that frustrated one of my students the most was that, when questioned, the "commenter's" only explanation for her statement was that "there are only white ppl. there for over 200 yrs." Logical, no? Insert eye-roll here.
Since this entire conversation was in violation of the social honor code (oh, and did I mention that this student also belongs to an online group that bashes and gossips about another girl in her class?) I spoke to the Dean of Students about what the girls had brought to my attention. The school called an impromptu assembly between 6th and 7th period to bring the matter to the school's attention - even though, by that point, it was no secret - and point out that behavior such as this would not be tolerated. They didn't do much, although the "commenter" will be going before the Judicial Review Committee, but the threat was in the air. I disagree with the idea that they may have to block certain elements of internet access since we aim to treat the students as adults and cutting off this type of thing in school just means they'll do it when they're not in school but we may have to resort to that. At least we didn't sweep it under the rug like we have a tendency to want to do, especially since it involves more than one individual.
I guess what I'm saying is that, I knew this type of thing would happen. I knew that not everyone would be as optimistic and forward-looking as I wanted them to be. I knew there would be challenges. But the very next day after the election? Don't we Obama supporters get some chance at a honeymoon period? Can't we enjoy the victory for one freaking day? I guess our country isn't as progressive as we'd like to think we are if this kind of prejudice still exists the day after we elect our first African-American president ever. Ah, irony....
And on top of this, I have to teach this girl in class tomorrow and act like nothing ever happened. When I came home and was yelling about this, my parents, who were visiting to support my cousin, made a good point. They said, "What would Obama do in a situation like this?" I guess I have to remove my emotions from the situation and put the school, the students, and, though difficult, this particular student above my personal opinions because it's what's best for everyone. I will aim to treat her as I have before this information came to a head and press on with teaching grammar, vocabulary, and literature. The main goal of the English Department at Sem is to teach these girls to be eloquent writers and communicators by the time they graduate. Well, if I can't convince this girl to change her point of view, at least I can teach her to argue it with supporting facts, information, and conviction. "Yes we can."
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Following your gut instinct when it comes to losing your gut
It looks like I made the right impulse decision for once in my life yesterday. After work, I decided I needed to stop in the gym at the school to do some physical therapy exercises to prevent my useless back from continuing to wake me up in the middle of the night.
(This was in lieu of going to a meeting that was scheduled to re-inform us about the benefits that we should be receiving from the school. Considering that I'm on Billy's stellar "we're sorry you're only a grad student but we're going to make it up to you by giving you better medical insurance than you'll ever have again in your life" plan, I don't need to be "re-informed." That and I'm not eligible to get matching for what I put away for retirement until next year so the only "benefit" I was interested in getting yesterday was a better night of sleep.)
But I digress.
Anyway, when I got there I was talking to our awesome Assistant Athletic Director - slash - Assistant Golf Coach - slash - ridiculously cool Yoga instructor and she invited me to do yoga with the golf team. Now, last year, I would have stayed away from the thought for fear that my students would find me in a compromising position and then proceed to make fun of me and lack respect for me for the rest of the year. This time, though, I went for it.
I'm really glad I did. Not only did I feel better, have fun, and somewhat gain respect in the eyes of my students (it helped that I was more coordinated than most of them), but I also learned how to do a headstand which is a neat thing to be able to pick up in a matter of an hour.
It turns out that I also benefited in other ways. When I came back up to my classroom to pick up my stuff I ran into everybody who had taken the time to go to the benefits meeting. Everyone was aggravated, frustrated, and said that it had been a waste of their time. It looks like my rare decision to go for instant gratification instead of practicality won out for once in my life.
(This was in lieu of going to a meeting that was scheduled to re-inform us about the benefits that we should be receiving from the school. Considering that I'm on Billy's stellar "we're sorry you're only a grad student but we're going to make it up to you by giving you better medical insurance than you'll ever have again in your life" plan, I don't need to be "re-informed." That and I'm not eligible to get matching for what I put away for retirement until next year so the only "benefit" I was interested in getting yesterday was a better night of sleep.)
But I digress.
Anyway, when I got there I was talking to our awesome Assistant Athletic Director - slash - Assistant Golf Coach - slash - ridiculously cool Yoga instructor and she invited me to do yoga with the golf team. Now, last year, I would have stayed away from the thought for fear that my students would find me in a compromising position and then proceed to make fun of me and lack respect for me for the rest of the year. This time, though, I went for it.
I'm really glad I did. Not only did I feel better, have fun, and somewhat gain respect in the eyes of my students (it helped that I was more coordinated than most of them), but I also learned how to do a headstand which is a neat thing to be able to pick up in a matter of an hour.
It turns out that I also benefited in other ways. When I came back up to my classroom to pick up my stuff I ran into everybody who had taken the time to go to the benefits meeting. Everyone was aggravated, frustrated, and said that it had been a waste of their time. It looks like my rare decision to go for instant gratification instead of practicality won out for once in my life.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
New Year's Resolution
So, today is my birthday. I'm 27. At first, I thought I would be depressed about that because it means that I'm one year closer to the dreaded thirty. It turns out that it's not that bad.
When I woke up today I came to the decision that I'm no longer going to treat January 1st as my new year. My new year is now going to begin on August 27th. It makes sense if you think about where I'm at in my life right now. The academic year begins not long after my birthday (next week) every year and I've always thought of starting school, or work in this case, as a marker for each year. It feels like I have the opportunity for renewal and self-improvement so I'm going to take advantage of it. I have difficulty following through with my New Year's resolutions every year so, maybe, if I shift my new year to my own, personal new year, I'll be more invested in the effort.
I spent much of the day with the intent of starting over. My resolution for this year is to live more in the present. I'm trying to let go of everything that I allow to weigh me down every day - anger, frustration, stress, worry, guilt - and a laundry list of other items that I tell myself are important but really just hold me back. I intend to have reasonable expectations for my own abilities in order to allow myself to achieve something each and every day rather than feeling guilty for not getting enough done. I plan on approaching problems as challenges rather than impossibilities. And, most importantly, I will appreciate myself for who I am and not focus on everything that I am not.
I decided to try and make all of this official with a little visualization this morning. Some of you may find this to be a little too much personal information for you so I recommend averting your eyes now. When I was getting ready in the shower this morning before heading out for a day of pampering courtesy of my friend Kristin (Kristy and Mike - you rock!) I attempted to imagine all of those things that stress me out and weigh me down being rinsed down the drain. Any guilt I felt for not finishing my thesis yet, any stress I had about beginning the new school year, worry about getting stuff ready in time for my students, anger that I hadn't been able to accomplish as much as I thought I should have, fear about financial worries or our future or the future of our country, everything, and more, I pictured running off of me and swirling down the drain. And I felt lighter. I feel lighter.
If it tells you anything about how much of that stuff I've been carrying around with me, the shower got clogged and I ended up standing in about three inches of water by the time I got out.
Coincidence? Maybe. But it worked fine yesterday. And the funny thing is that, when Billy took a shower later today, he didn't have a problem.
Then again, maybe I just desperately need a haircut. :)
When I woke up today I came to the decision that I'm no longer going to treat January 1st as my new year. My new year is now going to begin on August 27th. It makes sense if you think about where I'm at in my life right now. The academic year begins not long after my birthday (next week) every year and I've always thought of starting school, or work in this case, as a marker for each year. It feels like I have the opportunity for renewal and self-improvement so I'm going to take advantage of it. I have difficulty following through with my New Year's resolutions every year so, maybe, if I shift my new year to my own, personal new year, I'll be more invested in the effort.
I spent much of the day with the intent of starting over. My resolution for this year is to live more in the present. I'm trying to let go of everything that I allow to weigh me down every day - anger, frustration, stress, worry, guilt - and a laundry list of other items that I tell myself are important but really just hold me back. I intend to have reasonable expectations for my own abilities in order to allow myself to achieve something each and every day rather than feeling guilty for not getting enough done. I plan on approaching problems as challenges rather than impossibilities. And, most importantly, I will appreciate myself for who I am and not focus on everything that I am not.
I decided to try and make all of this official with a little visualization this morning. Some of you may find this to be a little too much personal information for you so I recommend averting your eyes now. When I was getting ready in the shower this morning before heading out for a day of pampering courtesy of my friend Kristin (Kristy and Mike - you rock!) I attempted to imagine all of those things that stress me out and weigh me down being rinsed down the drain. Any guilt I felt for not finishing my thesis yet, any stress I had about beginning the new school year, worry about getting stuff ready in time for my students, anger that I hadn't been able to accomplish as much as I thought I should have, fear about financial worries or our future or the future of our country, everything, and more, I pictured running off of me and swirling down the drain. And I felt lighter. I feel lighter.
If it tells you anything about how much of that stuff I've been carrying around with me, the shower got clogged and I ended up standing in about three inches of water by the time I got out.
Coincidence? Maybe. But it worked fine yesterday. And the funny thing is that, when Billy took a shower later today, he didn't have a problem.
Then again, maybe I just desperately need a haircut. :)
Monday, August 18, 2008
Bad Poetry Day
Today is "Bad Poetry Day" so I've decided to write a bad poem. Billy's going to help me. Here we go...
Ode to the Great White Western New York Male
O middle-aged blubbery belly.
I see you glistening horrifically in the partly cloudy light of the Western New York Summer.
It is not that warm, yet you reveal yourself as soon as the weather becomes tolerable, much like the graceful, yet chubby, groundhog sneaks out of his den in fruitless search of his shadow.
I honk. Honk my horn in protest.
For the love of god and all of humanity, put your damn shirt back on you pale-ass freak. Isn't it dangerous to mow the lawn shirtless, anyway?
You white-flight albatross. You haunt me everywhere. My eyes have been sodomized.
Take your buddha belly inside. Please. I'm begging you.
I never thought I would look forward to winter. Thank you for that.
The Western New York Great White Whale
takes a break from doing yardwork to check his mail.
Perhaps his netflix order arrived.
Ode to the Great White Western New York Male
O middle-aged blubbery belly.
I see you glistening horrifically in the partly cloudy light of the Western New York Summer.
It is not that warm, yet you reveal yourself as soon as the weather becomes tolerable, much like the graceful, yet chubby, groundhog sneaks out of his den in fruitless search of his shadow.
I honk. Honk my horn in protest.
For the love of god and all of humanity, put your damn shirt back on you pale-ass freak. Isn't it dangerous to mow the lawn shirtless, anyway?
You white-flight albatross. You haunt me everywhere. My eyes have been sodomized.
Take your buddha belly inside. Please. I'm begging you.
I never thought I would look forward to winter. Thank you for that.
The Western New York Great White Whale
takes a break from doing yardwork to check his mail.
Perhaps his netflix order arrived.
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